Y is for Yielding: Building Skills

The Yield sign tells us to make way for others. We do not have the right of way but are being asked to put others before ourselves. Failure to yield can lead to our own demise as it can create accidents that harm us so it is for our own good to listen and obey.

Unfortunately, in the world of parenting, there is a little less clarity about yielding. Put simply, a child should lead to those in authority over them such as police officers, teachers and parents. However, children are naturally inclined to oppose which we see as early as their first year of life when they cry, tantrum and shake their heads as they verbalize "No, no no!" However, this is a critical skill for us to teach children; they need to learn to yield.

Some children are very challenging as they stubbornly want to do things their own way but it is a basic fact of life that nobody has complete autonomy and freedom to live their own way and they may as well learn that early in life when the stakes are not as high and their outbursts are still manageable. It only gets harder as they get bigger. So please don't be afraid to put in the time and effort, as it is not simple or easy, to help children learn it is okay to put others first at times and to yield to others in certain situations.

For example, other than driving, examples that may be clear for a child are yielding your spot in line by allowing someone else to come in front of you and go first. It isn't always easy but is a small way you can practice yielding in a simple everyday experience. They can give the ball to a friend or let them have the first turn in a game. They can yield to another's ideas for an activity and take the blue-eyed doll instead of the brown-eyed doll or be the patient instead of the doctor. Another term for this is flexibility. They are able to adapt and modify their actions.

Sometimes, parents struggle to set the example in this. Some parents tend to find themselves in frequent power struggles with their children and both sides dig in their heels in the tug of war experience and refuse to yield to the other person's wants/needs/desires. It is advisable, from an early age, to consider which battles are worth the fight and when you can compromise. Do they really have to wear the jeans you put out for them or can they wear their trackpants? Do they have to finish all of their homework before they call a friend or can they have a 15 minute break to talk to them and then get back to the homework? Learning to listen to others and sometimes compromise and consider another person's needs and wishes is helpful. Building a relationship based on give and take is critical so that the first response of others is not to prepare for battle against you but to have a genuine conversation.

Yielding is a skill to learn and to teach the children in your life. Know when to take a stand and when to take a bow and how to relate to others in a respectful manner that is not self-centred, angry or proud but is willing to make way for others at the right time and place.