X is for EXceptions: Building Skills

When can you make an exception to a rule? There is a saying that we should say what we mean and mean what we say. When we tell our child what to do, we need to follow through to make sure it happens so that they are clear that our words have intention and meaning and that we are serious about having them listen to what we say. 

The question is, are there any exceptions to this rule?  I would say there are always exceptions because we need to adapt for individual differences. We need to understand that in any given situation there is going to be someone who didn't hear properly, who was ill, who didn't understand or who was unable to follow through for one reason or another. Is that an excuse? Not always but we need to be understanding and first fully consider the circumstances and why they may need us to be gentle and possibly make a revision or exception in that moment.

However, I can say that with one other comment. It should be accompanied by a discussion. "Normally this would be inexcusable but it seems that in this situation it calls for us to make an exception. I am okay to work with you today because I understand X but this cannot be a habitual thing. It is important that we follow through on rules and I expect that from you going forward." Or in simple English, "Today, ok. Tomorrow, not ok! Got it?"  or "Today you can use a 'get out of jail free card' but remember, these are rare." 

The truth is, we make exceptions all the time. Everyone has ketchup on their burgers except Mikey because he doesn't like Ketchup. We should all stand for the anthem except for those in wheelchairs of course! Everyone is writing the test today except Ana because it is her first day back after being in hospital. When we understand why, we don't think twice about exceptions. Unfortunately, we do not always take the time to understand the person, their preferences, their wants and needs or their circumstances and come down hard instead of showing compassion and care.

The flip side is, we sometimes make exceptions when we shouldn't, when a child should be held accountable for their actions and yet we are too soft. Maybe everyone EXCEPT your child is to blame. Or maybe you don't hold your child to very high standards and make excuses for their shortcomings. It may come from a good place but sometimes it does more harm than good. We need to be wise. I am not saying anyone will have all the answers in every circumstance but only that it is good to consider this topic. How do exceptions benefit children and help them build their skills? When do exceptions harm them? Based on your practice of this, how can you help children know when to make exceptions with others in life too? Just food for thought...