T is for Transitions: Building Skills

By transitions I mean the process of completing one task and moving on to the next one, going from A to B.  Why is this a building skill? A lot of people get lost as they move from one thing to another. Some get caught up on A because they are engrossed by it and want to continue it or they fixated on perfecting it and cannot let it go. Some just 'drop everything' and move on to the next activity, only to find out later that they were in a whirlwind and ended up creating a massive mess that they are not very motivated to clean up, having used up all their energy with the shifting activities. Others readily close out what they were doing and neatly put it away but then find they are procrastinating as they move toward B. As they 'drag their feet', they may find other small tasks to do on the way that end up taking up their time and energy and they never do make it to B.

Sound like any of you?

It is a well-known strategy of successful people that they have priority items to complete first each day. This is the MUST DO list with the next most important items listed afterward that may be delayed if necessary. People who manage their time well also have a clear plan to move through their day. Maybe they have a calendar they follow or a schedule based on the clock. Maybe they find a block schedule works best. Here the strategies used vary in their appropriateness based on the one using it. It is not a 'one size fits all' kind of planning tip although the overall concept is solid. 

When you have a child who is restless, unsettled and randomly going from one thing to the next, try to help them set up a simple schedule.  I love first/then boards and visual schedules. The topics can be broad like 'eat/play' or they can be broken down into detailed steps. 'Pick up the blocks. Put them in the white bin. Put the lid on. Carry it to the shelf. Put it away.' The decision on what to use depends on the child. However, most if not all children benefit from knowing what comes next. For example, 'First wash your hands then come for snack' or 'First boots go on, then we go outside. Boots/Out'. 

Having clear step by step instructions and an interest in what is next helps a child through difficult transitions. Quite often the child is not in control and had their own plan happening when they were called away to something else. They don't often respond well to this. Maybe it is a simple protest or maybe it is an outright refusal to obey. Negative behaviours are usually the result of now knowing what is next or being able to express their ideas in a way that lets them know their ideas were heard and valued even if they still had to move on to B.

It is very helpful to slow down during transitions and really think about what your child is doing and why.  If they quickly got all their outdoor clothing on you can see they are motivated to go out to play. If they are kicking off their boots as quickly as you get them on, are they saying they do not want to go out or is their sock stuck or is there a pebble inside that is hurting them?  If you just think that they are stubbornly refusing to cooperate, you may be missing their attempt to communicate more with you. If your child 'loses it' during the transition, you can sometimes salvage it by either understanding them better OR just helping them get past the moment with the motivation of what is next. We often just want to get them to quickly adhere to our instruction but purposefully giving them the opportunity to learn how to transition from A to B is actually a critical skill that you should be building in them.  Reach out if you need more ideas on this topic.