E is for Engagement: Building Skills (THU)

Engagement is a key component of our interactions if we want to build the skills of little ones.   Our goal is to do everything in our power to engage others, particularly our children, in life experiences.  Our play and our actions and our words should all be in an effort to encourage others to join in.  We want the baby to look at our face.  We want toddlers to come when we call them. We want preschoolers to ask us to play with them. We want our school-agers to turn to us when they need help. So how do we create this engaging environment?

Starting when they are infants, we work on this with games like peekaboo where we are expecting a baby to look at us when we say peekaboo and respond. A baby typically responds with joy, making it an enjoyable exchange for both parties.  This sets up a precedent that when playing a game with mommy or daddy is fun.  It is something they then want to do again so the baby joins in (engages) to do their part to keep it going.  Multiply this experience over many days, months and years and you have the recipe for a strong family connection and a happy, knowledgeable child with great skills. 

While it may appear to be just a simple game, there is a lot of learning going on in order to be involved in an interaction with another person. It is an important skill that develops over time.  Discovering how to learn from others and share your own knowledge and experiences with them too is also key.  Active engagement is the phrase to say that a child has an active role that helps them to engage more fully in an experience.  Keeping a child's hands busy is a good early step that begins in their first year.

Can they wave goodbye? Can they put their toy in the basket? Can they get the cracker into their mouth? Maybe get the child to pull off a sock or clap their hands or hold their diaper.  All of these should be attainable skills in the first year of life and let the child learn early on that they are capable beings with something to contribute. It sets the groundwork for building skills in many areas.

Quite often when we are upset, doing something active helps us manage our emotions better.  Even little ones, when they are going towards a tantrum, can be helped to regain control of their emotions if you can engage them in a different activity. Give the child a job to do and see the difference it can make. Their job can be getting your shoes to help prepare to go outside or squeezing a stress ball ten times or naming the next animal on the farm. Hopefully fun moments redirect the moment to something that is positive for everyone.

Engage a child in fun activities where there are clear instructions and roles to play and where both parties have a balance of turns and a voice in what will happen next. Have a great time with each other as you give each other space to share thoughts and ideas and do great things together. It is worth your time and energy to work on this skill.